The Ransom of Miley Randolph
by IrishArcher
Summary: 16-year-old Kayla Randolph didn't mean to wish away her little sister, Miley. In fact Jareth wishes that just this once he had ignored his "What's said is said" rule. It seems that no one is happy about this situation except Miley.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, when I first started on this site, I told myself that I would only work on one story at a time. That epically failed. Why do I keep having so many ideas? Ugh... well, anyway, I hope you people like this.**

 **Disclaimer: _Labyrinth_ and all characters therein belong to Jim Henson.**

* * *

"Miley, give it back," Kayla shouted, snatching at her sister. The ten-year-old deftly skipped out of the way and ran up the stairs, cackling maniacly. Kayla groaned. She hated this game. She hated being left alone with her demon sister, whose only goal in life was apparently to annoy her. She hated being interrupted when she was reading. And she especially hated when people stole her stuff.

Miley knew she hated those things. That's why she did them. She couldn't resist the thrill of the chase that she knew would ensue when she stole Kayla's book, right out of her hands, and sprinted away. She couldn't resist rubbing it in her face that Kayla couldn't do anything to her without getting in trouble. So that's what she did, every time their parents went out. And Kayla would not endure it any longer.

 _Screw the consequences,_ she thought with a growl. This was the third time in one month that Miley had taken her book. It wasn't even a big book, but she'd never been able to finish it, because every time she picked it up to read, Miley was there to stop her.

Kayla bounded up the stairs, and Miley flashed her a taunting grin, before giggling and running down the hall. Kayla growled and took off after her, quickly catching up. But Miley was agile, and as soon as she saw Kalya at her heels, she turned around, duck under her, and started running the other direction.

Kalya made a grab for the little brat, but she missed. Miley was giggling uncontrollably as she ran back down the stairs and into the kitchen. Kayla followed, unable to do anything else.

Miley darted into the dining room, and behind the dinner table, waving the book gleefully above her head. Kayla tried to follow, but whenever she made a move in one direction, Miley would shift to keep the table between them at all times.

"Miley! I'm serious, I'll tell mom!"

Miley just grinned. "She won't believe you."

Kayla groaned. She was right, their parents never seemed to believe her accusations. There was never any proof. She made a half-hearted lunge across the table, but Miley danced out of the way.

"Just give it back!"

Miley screwed up her face, pretending to think, before finally grinning and shaking her head. "Nah, where's the fun in that? If you want it so much, come and get it!"

Kayla huffed. She glared at her sister, then at the book she was casually fanning herself with. It was a little red book her grandmother had given her for her birthday. A fantasy tale called _The Labyrinth,_ about a goblin king and his goblin subjects. She had an idea.

"If you don't give me that book back, I'll call upon the goblin king to come and take you away."

Miley just laughed. "What, you expect me to believe that crap? I'm not stupid."

Kayla raised an eyebrow. "You don't think it's real? What are you willing to bet? I will wish you away, you know."

Miley took on an expression of mock fright. "Oh, no, anything but that!" she cried sarcastically. "I'm not that gullible, you know. Maybe that would work if I was six."

Kayla just smiled. "Okay then. You'd bet your life on that?" she asked. She knew if she could keep this up long enough, Miley would start to believe her.

Miley nodded slowly, as if talking to a child. "Yeah. In fact, why don't you wish me away right now? I wanna see this 'goblin king' of yours! Oh, wait, he doesn't exist."

Kayla gave a sad shake of her head. "You asked for it. I wish..." she started. Miley gave her an incredulous look.

"Go on," she said expectantly. Kayla sighed. Maybe this wasn't going to work after all.

"Are you sure you want me to?"

Miley nodded, smirking. She knew she'd won. Kayla rolled her eyes.

"I wish the goblins would come and take you away!" she exclaimed reluctantly. Miley scoffed.

"Really? That's it?"

"I wasn't finished yet. I wish the goblins would come and take you away...right now," she added, somewhat pathetically. Miley burst out laughing.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever-"

The lights went out.

"What just happened?" Miley asked, eyes wide, though Kayla could barely see her in the darkness. Kayla swallowed.

"I don't know..." It couldn't have anything to do with what she'd just said...could it? She shook the idea out of her head - it was ridiculous. Just a coincidence. Then she heard a rustling noise from under the table.

"Miley?" she asked. "Is that you?"

"Um...no," she replied slowly, backing away from the table. A thump sounded from the corner, and something that sounded suspiciousy like a snicker came from behind her. She shrieked, but it was cut short, and suddenly the kitchen was silent.

"Miley?" Kayla called. She could no longer hear her sister's breathing, or see her silhouette in the faint light that filtered in from the kitchen window. She felt her heart thumping rapidly in her chest, and a tap on the window made her jump.

She whipped around to look out the window, and saw a barn owl tapping insistently at the glass. Suddenly the window burst open, and it flew in, swooping toward her. She ducked, and covered her head with her hands.

A deep chuckle from behind her made her heart skip a beat, and she looked up. Standing behind her was the weirdest looking man she had ever seen. He had a wild shock of blonde hair that somehow stuck up from his head in a fluffy mullet, and, paired with the blue and brown eye makeup, and black leather outfit, he looked like some sort of scene '80s rock star. She blinked.

"What...how did you...? Who are you?" she stuttered. He grinned.

"You know very well who I am, Kayla," he said. His voice was smooth and light.

"How do you know my name? I don't..." A thought struck her. "Oh, hell no," she breathed. "You can't be...goblin king?"

He gave a deep bow, grinning all the while. "At your service."

Kayla shook her head. "But...you're not real! It's a story!"

"I assure you, I am very real."

Kayla suddenly realized something. "What did you do with my sister?"

He cocked his head. "I did exactly what you asked me to do. You wish her away, yes?"

"I didn't think you'd actually take her!"

"Well then, there's the problem. You should have thought."

"But I didn't know you were real!"

"Nevertheless, _you_ said the words. _You_ wished her away. Do not blame me."

"Well, can I have her back?"

"I'm afraid what's said is said."

"There must be some way."

The goblin king suddenly pulled a crystal ball from thin air. "Hm...perhaps there is. But do you really want your sister back? This ball is an ordinary crystal, but if you turn it this way, it can show you your dreams. Wouldn't you like that?"

Kayla stared at him suspiciously.

"Of course, this gift isn't for ordinary girls who take care of annoying children. Trust me. Forget your sister. You can have anything, anything you want."

"I don't think you understand. I'm not asking because _I_ want my sister back. I'm asking because my parents would kill me if anything happened to her. Now, what do I have to do?"

The goblin king raised one sculpted eyebrow and smiled. Suddenly, they were no longer standing in the kitchen, but on a rocky hill underneath a burnt orange sky. At the bottom of the hill was a wall, and that wall was the beginning of a labyrinth that stretched on for miles. In the center of the labyrinth sat a city, and a great castle jutted out over the surroundings.

Kayla stared in wonder as the book she'd been reading came to life. The goblin king stood beside her.

"You must complete my Labyrinth in thirteen hours or less, or your dear little sister becomes one of my goblins forever. The clock starts...now," he said. A thirteen hour clock face appeared on a nearby tree, and the second hand started ticking. Before she could say another word, the goblin king disappeared in a swirl of glitter, and Kayla was left alone of the hilltop.

With a sigh, she jogged down the hill toward the wall.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: If I owned _Labyrinth,_ trust me, things would have gone a lot differently.**

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When Jareth returned to his castle, Miley was sprawled across his throne, one leg draped over the armrest, as she read the little red book, _The Labyrinth_ , which she had stolen from her sister.

Jareth paused in the doorway to the throne room. He cleared his throat.

Miley looked up.

"Oh. Hello. I assume you're the goblin king?" she said nonchalantly. Jareth raised an eyebrow.

"I am. And _that,_ " he gestured to the throne, "is my throne."

"I figured," she nodded. "It's very comfortable, by the way."

"You misunderstand," he said, approaching her. "What I mean is, _get off_."

She pursed her lips as if thinking for a moment. "No."

"No?" He raised an eyebrow. She shook her head.

"No. You see, there aren't any other chairs in this room, and the floor is covered in chicken poop and other filth, so that's out of the question, and I'm not just going to stand for thirteen hours, so this is my only option. Besides, I was here first."

"Actually, I believe I was there first."

Miley nodded. "Well, yes, you _were._ But then you left."

Jareth rolled his eyes. The goblins looked on with interest. Miley stared up at him innocently. Finally, Jareth tossed a crystal ball onto the floor, and it transformed into another chair.

"There. Now get off."

Miley glanced at the second chair, then shook her head. "No."

"Why ever not?"

"Because I'm comfortable, and I don't think I should have to move just because you want me to."

"I _am_ a king."

"Well, that's not hard."

"What?"

"I mean, how hard could it have been to take over these idiots?" Miley scoffed, gesturing to the goblins bumbling about on the floor. "All you have to do is walk up and pronounce yourself king. Watch," she got up and stood on top of the throne. "HEY!" she shouted. All the goblins turned to face her. "Henceforth, and forevermore, you shall refer to me as your supreme dictator. Any who defy this order shall be put to death by hanging. Understand?"

The goblins nodded and bowed. Miley grinned, and turned back to Jareth.

"See?"

Jareth was staring at her, slack-jawed. He looked from Miley to the goblins, and back again.

"What...what did you just do?"

"Um...I believe it's called usurping the throne."

For once in his life, Jareth was speechless. "You...what? But...you can't...how...?"

"Yeah, I just took over your kingdom, baby! How's it feel?" Miley shouted, sitting back down and leaning back in the throne. Jareth blinked.

"Now, as my first order as Supreme Ruler of the Goblin Kingdom, I would like...a lemonade. Hey, you! Goblin!"

One of the goblins turned around. Miley snapped her fingers at him.

"Go make me a lemonade."

The goblin stared at her blankly.

"Oh my goodness...you don't know what lemonade is, do you?" Miley realized with horror. The goblin shook his head and bowed, fearing that he had upset the new Ruler. Miley was aghast.

"How is that even possible? Don't you have lemons here?"

The goblin's eyes lit up in recognition and he nodded. "Yes'm. We gots lemons 'ere. Whole trees o' lemons."

Miley gave a relieved sigh. "Oh, good. I was worried there for a moment. I guess I'm going to have to teach you how to make lemonade, huh?"

It was then that Jareth finally came to his senses.

"No," he snapped. Miley turned to look at him.

"What?"

"No, you cannot take my throne. You are not the ruler, you do not have power, and you are not here to do whatever you want. I am the king here, and you will obey me. Get. Off. My. Throne."

Miley raised her eyebrows. "Make me."

Jareth shook with rage. "You are a child. A hostage, for lack of a better word. If your sister does not find you in thirteen hours, I will turn you into a goblin. _I_ am in charge. I can throw you into the bog if you do not behave."

Miley rolled her eyes. "Yes, I've been reading the book. I know all about the rules. But the thing is, you can't turn me into a goblin until thirteen hours are up, and I technically can't leave the castle, so, no, you can't throw me in the bog either. You have nothing on me, goblin king." She paused when she realized something. "Wait a minute, you're not the king anymore, so I can't call you that. What's your name?" she asked. Jareth growled.

"How about we make a deal? If you can guess my name in three tries, I'll let you keep the throne."

Miley thought for a second. "Fine," she said. Then she turned to the nearest goblin.

"What's his name?" she asked. The goblin looked up, eager to please.

"His name is Jar-"

"No asking! That's cheating, and does not count as guessing."

Miley sighed. "Come on! Fine. David."

Jareth made a face. "What?"

Miley shrugged. "You look like a David. Wait a minute, 'Jar'? Ooh, is it Jared?"

Jareth shook his head, but was slightly uncomfortable at how close she was. Miley thought for a moment, studying his face. "Ger...ald?" she tried. He smirked triumphantly.

"No, not even close," he said. "Now, give me my throne back."

Miley shook her head. "That wasn't part of the agreement. You said you would let me keep the throne if I won, but you never said I'd have to do anything if I lost."

"It was implied."

"Well, it was implied that you wouldn't _let_ me keep it if I lost. But what else can you do? I mean, as far as I know, you weren't really _letting_ me do anything before, but I still did it anyway."

"I'll admit, you had the element of surprise."

"But?"

"But I do have the power to forcibly remove you from that throne.'

Miley raised her eyebrow in a challenge. Jareth smirked. He never could resist a challenge.

Before she knew what was happening, Miley felt two strong arms under her shoulders, lifting her from her seat.

"Hey! What are you doing? Put me down!"

"As you wish," Jareth chuckled in her ear, dropping Miley on the floor. She gave an indignant huff and crossed her arms.

"That's not fair," she whined. Jareth gracefully reclined on his throne.

"Isn't it?" he asked with a smug smirk. She glared up at him reproachfully as she got to her feet.

"Okay, fine, you beat a little kid. Are you proud?"

He quirked an eyebrow. "Oh, no. I haven't accomplished anything until I've found a way to get you to shut up."

Miley continued to glare at him for a few seconds. Then a slow smile spread across her face, and a mischievous gleam entered her eyes.

"You know how you said I was your hostage?"

Jareth nodded warily.

"Have you ever read _The Ransom of Red Chief_?"

Jareth shook his head slowly, very aware of the evil glint in the child's eye.

"Well, you should. It's one of my favorite stories."


End file.
